At times, my brain fizzles

There are times when you become immune to everything, your brain shuts shop in terms of it having to react or cope with the environment around. If you think I’m referring to not caring about things or becoming insensitive, it is not true. It is a phase where you feel the pain but do not acknowledge it, where you feel the happiness but don’t feel the need to express it with a smile or suitable reaction. Yet you live to see the next day hoping this will go away, I can go back to smiling and enjoying the very fact that I live.

To tell you the truth, we are all searching for those two things aren’t we – happiness and peace. It comes out in different forms, under false pretences and actions which make no sense. Everything you do is actually only for those two things. We all in our own secret ways accept this and have this spark of realization when it hits you bang in the face. The irony being no one knows what to do to acquire them. Each has their own path to it, their own little books with rules, most of us have these nooks and corners where we hide these moments and recollect them throughout our lifetime, relishing it as much even if we have visited them over a thousand times. I sometimes don’t even know if I am asking the right question – What is happiness? What is peace?

The fare I dish out here in these lines I’m sure pale in comparison to what have been more elaborately written previously, beautifully penned lines by those with that rare eye for writing.


There are times in our lives, where we are true to ourselves, times when we have no eyes on us, when no one is looking at us; when we ourselves are not looking and evaluating. This is when we find ourselves, do things which are called extraordinary. Years past, we will sit comfortably on a sofa and say, “ did I really do that… wow”. Today I am so controlled, so evaluated that I miss those moments, sometimes even pining for them. Almost everyone I see is on the same plain, evaluating oneself and being insecure; insecure of losing face to oneself, I many a time do not stand up to the standard I would like to believe capable of. What I fail to see in those moments is I lose more than just face.

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